From the day of my birth,
you were a part of me.
The right from the wrong,
the ying to my yang.
My one and only
sub-conscious
Always there for me when i suffered setbacks.
Always there for me when flunk my exams,
when i fell out in a relationship or got rejected.
You ARE armour,
my shield,
my protection.
The fucking armour that protects ME from anything
From ANYTHING i had faced or would be facing.
Together from the inevitable ups and down.
But now what,
where the fuck have you been?
you've left me here all alone.
Alone to burn, to build up all the sadness and misery.
The various fuel that in hand feeds the flame.
I tried i tried i tried to control IT,
but sorry i CAN'T.
It's too late to salvage me.
You know me,
i give up easily.
That's why you WERE my motivation.
The STRONGER side of me.
The voice that tell me to not stop each time when i run,
cause i know if i did i would lose everything i had build from day 1 of my birth.
I took it THAT serious.
Well you see, that's just me,
and i'm just being me.
I don't take things easily and i stress easily.
They say to forge the greatest blade you need to
give it both fire and ice.
A little too much of flame it, won't be strong
and a little too much ice it'll snap.
That's US right!?
you WERE the 50% ice that's stored in my heart
and i'm the devil's flame.
Together we WERE strong,
we could face anything!
Putting everything in,
everything into this relationship for the greatest love of our life.
One that could tame us,
One that could keep us calm.
One we both thought that won't go wrong.
We were created to see her happiness,
to see her bathe in the sun.
To devote our life to.
AND NOW?!
When i sat on my bed in bunk thinking for 3 hours in the middle
of the night.
Hoping that someone would comfort me when i curl up.
You DIDN'T come!?
YOU freaking gave up on me?
or were we BOTH equally sad and you wanted your time alone too!?
i don't know but i just know i really needed you there at that time.
You know me, i'm unreasonable!
my dear little sub conscious.
the armour to stops the hurt and the crazy thoughts.
To stop me from being what i am, the devil.
The catalyst of all bad things.
And the greatest blade had to melt,
you gave up on me.
You had to let the flames burn til it's too late to salvage.
And i don't even know what's left of me now.
Woke up thinking that everything is fine,
Shit, reality hits and you get sad again.
More fuel to fire.
You(I) want to take everything out from your(my) chest.
The stress, the sadness, the problems, the angst.
I(you) had to scream in the bunk, making people think that I(you) was mad
that's the only way I(you) could think of.
I didn't want to punch the wall like how I did in the past.
But inevitably I did, I didn't had a choice.
I ran out of options
I HAD to let everything OUT.
I wished everything could burn,
cause the remains will be the ones that i know will never leave me.
I didn't had a choice
I have to RUN.
No, lets put it in another point.
I WISHED I COULD,
but WE BOTH know that we couldn't run,
cause her sadness would kill us both.
We never wanted to see her sad,
but WHEN it had to happen,
you left me alone.
You RAN first.
WHAT!?
my sub conscious is running!?
you know i run cause i had to,
cause i cannot handle such things.
And that you were the shield to my everything.
I was left vulnerable, to take the full impact.
The impact that i never saw it coming.
The impact from the greatest love of my life.
I always believed that I could take down anything,
as long that I have her.
But having her taking me down...
i couldn't even last for 1 second.
I had to give her happiness back.
It was both our(you and i) decision and hers.
I am in no reason to complain.
I unwillingly agreed to the terms,
the terms that i never believed in.
But ultimately, her happiness means more to me.
Even if i have to eat all the pain.
I have ceased to trust,
To build my own shield around me.
A shield made of flames that would burn anything that tries to hurt me.
That my friend, is the negative force that i believe in.
Remember this my dear sub conscious,
You HAVE protected me for my 20 years and 142 days of life.
I'm grateful for all that you've done for me.
But now, it's my time to choose.
You'll never have the say again.
Goodbye in isolation.
-Loving you always
Your broken heart,
The Devil's flame.
